So here’s the thing…
You fall pregnant and think “Okay I have one already and I haven’t killed him. I know what to do, how to do it and when to do it”. Then said baby pops out and it’s a whole other ball game. Suddenly I could not latch human two and I successfully breastfed human one for thirteen months. How is this even happening to me?
And then just when I get the hang of human two, start losing weight (my goal for 2020), human one is enjoying school and has finally started stringing a few words together (I have a kid who has a speech delay), there is a pandemic. Not your typical “whole school has lice” or get a flu vaccination…no man, a full on pandemic with an unknown virus! Yoh….What now?
“What now” means we lose our nanny, human one does not attend school any longer, Faeez is working from home and my dream maternity leave soon turns into a nightmarish reality. I get chicken pox the day lockdown starts, my milk dries up and my barely three-month old human two gets pocks too. Eventually, said maternity leave ends, I go back to work in a new position with a new team; eat the most delicious crunchies day in and day out and pick up some of the weight I lost; learn how to make fried sushi aka frushi; perfect my banana bread; evict human one from his bedroom and move into my new office. After just over two months nanny joins us again but the drama and novelty of working from home is next level crazy especially with the days she is not with us. My team have gotten used to hearing human one roar like his favorite dinosaur of the week or human two squeal with laughter or scream and cry.
Seven months in and it is still weird, I am not sure if I love it or hate it. I barely wear makeup and I have packed my very expensive Medela breast-pump away as human two is able to help himself whenever and wherever he wants. I have all my meetings on MS teams on my phone or laptop, sometimes by the kettle in the kitchen because Faeez has a meeting at the same time and we cannot both be talking in one tiny room.
When I left my office in the second week of December 2019, I expected that things would be different when I returned, but maybe something similar to “I got a new chair”, “We moved to the 6th floor” or “Someone stole my bin”. Never in my wildest dreams (when I do eventually get to sleep *yawn*) did I expect anything close to what has actually transpired. I changed jobs; I work from home; I now have to make sure everyone has lunch before I get to eat; there are noises everywhere and I haven’t had to go to shops to buy a bra that is good for work because my camera on my laptop angles upwards *giggle*
However, some things don’t change… I still need to change shitty diapers and clean up the occasional vomit, my sons still need me to care and tend to them and give random hugs; I still need to lose weight; I still have to project manage our renovations and I still have the least amount of time for myself. I still struggle as a mom whether or not its lockdown; I doubt myself and my decisions or actions and I still find myself checking in on people who couldn’t bother to ask me how I am doing. Now I just do all of these things, with sanitized hands and a mask.
Call me Nuz